Blog #2

2008, the year of the memorable, or maybe it’s infamous, kisses

The break-up kiss – New Year’s Day and we’d just broken up (yeah, happy 2008 to me).  As he was leaving my condo, he turned back and kissed me; you know one last time.  It was the most bittersweet kiss of my life.

The perfect kiss- Valentine’s Day…it was the most perfect first kiss of my life.  I don’t know what else to say; it was perfect!  The ambiance was all that you could want – dinner, moonlight, and a holiday dedicated to lovers.  Plus it was just a really great kiss.

The worst kiss ever – following an awkward 4^th date, the most awful kiss of my life (don’t worry, I’ll get more into that later!)

Strangely they were all also “only” kisses.  Well sort of.  Mr. “Break-up Kiss” and I had dated for three months, so that was obviously not our only kiss.  I mean, hello, contrary to popular belief I’m not a prude!  I like the kissing and let me tell you… that boy could kiss.  Apparently we weren’t meant to kiss forever, but if you picked a mate solely on physical compatibility, I would be married to him…truthfully, I can think of worse fates.  The point is this though: that was our only kiss in 2008.  Maybe 2008 is just a bad year of kissing for me.  Maybe I should just not kiss again until 2009…funny me, as if I’ll have the opportunity to kiss anymore before 2009 anyway!  Silly, silly me. 

Ok, enough “woe is me,” here’s the funny story…

So a few of you have heard the “bad kiss story” and a couple of you have suggested turning it into a blog…so I hope it’s as entertaining in writing as it apparently is in person.  And yes, I’m so glad my kissing trauma can bring you all so much joy!

Around the beginning of June, I went on several dates with a guy with whom my friend had set me up.  Seemed nice; had a couple really great dates, but then they just seemed…not as great.  I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but I soon realized that it was a growing awkwardness due to the fact that we were simply running out of things to talk about.  It was the mirror opposite of a good dating experience – when you become more comfortable with the person because you are learning (and liking) more and more about each other.  Nevertheless, this growing awkwardness did not, for some reason that still escapes me, stop him from kissing me.  Now I know a lady doesn’t kiss and tell, but I’m still not entirely sure that I actually did any kissing that night.  I know what a good kiss is…this was not it!  It was more that my mouth was accosted.  I had heard of such things occurring, but I thought they were urban legends!  Or at the very least such things didn’t occur past the age of 14!  Apparently, I was wrong.  I guess my kissing experiences had been blessed up to that point.  For lack of a better way of describing it, I’ll stick with the analogy that seemed the most apt at the time: it was as if he was employing shock and awe on my mouth – and oh I WAS shocked but I was certainly NOT awed!  And no, I know what you are thinking.  It was not that it was too much too soon…it was just that you don’t ever kiss a person that way…not ever!  It was just weird; there is no other way around it.  You could be married for 50 years and that kiss would still not be appropriate…in fact, it would probably be even less appropriate – if that is even possible!  Ok, I’ll be completely honest – I have one word…reptilian.  And guys, just so you know, you NEVER want a girl to be able to describe a kiss are reptilian.  Never!  Unless, it was part of some…no, actually, I can’t think of a single “unless.” Just avoid the adjective completely.

 Now the horror of this oddly detached yet inappropriately robust kiss is of course amplified by the fact that it was preceded by that perfect first kiss and to be honest, a life-time of very high quality (though too few) kisses.  So in June it was like I had been living on filet mignon, then starved for several months and was thrown a Burger King burger (I hate them…charbroiled? Try burnt!).  You’d think that after starving you would just be happy for food, but no – charbroiled is still really just a misnomer for burnt and you just end up remembering, and longing, for the deliciousness of the fillet mignon.

Of course things could be worse.  Did you know that 90% of cultures in the world kiss?  Can you imagine being in that other 10%?  Now THAT would be worse!